We’ve talked before about how to use a wand vibrator but there’s a question that still comes up over and over when I talk to people about it: “but where do you put it?”
I blame this question on the pervasive belief that sex toys exist to emulate the experience of sex, which for many people means penetrative intercourse. With that being the belief so many folks have, it’s kind of no wonder wands create confusion for some. The first step to getting rid of this confusion is rethinking our idea of “sex”.
Wands are, for the most part, intended for external use. Sure, there are attachments available to make your wand into an internal-stimulation toy but, generally, wands are used outside the body. They are, in fact, very powerful tools for clitoral stimulation. Remembering that studies say over 70% of women require clitoral stimulation to orgasm, we can see why that would be important.
So now we have to think about the idea of pleasure and orgasm apart from penetrative intercourse. A lot of people really love penetrative intercourse and that’s great but in order to get enjoyment from your toy, it is helpful to remember that there is lots of pleasure to be had without penetration. This is actually why I call my wand my “orgasm machine” because it’s not there to scratch the “wanting to have sex” itch, it’s there to give me orgasms on demand.
That small shift in thinking can make the whole wand concept make more sense for a lot of folks. So, if you find yourself thinking “but where does it go?” let go of the idea that all things sexual relate back to penetrative intercourse and remember that the answer is “wherever it brings you pleasure”.